How Not to Be In a Band - Reality Bites Back

As my hero Les McQueen, former rhythm guitarist with Crème Brulée, says: ‘It's a shit business; I'm glad I'm out of it.’

How Not to be in a Band - Fancy Flights

Tonight I’m being whisked back to my Northumberland mansion after our annual sell-out gig on Hadrian’s Wall.

How Not To Be In A Band - Destiny Calling, Collect

Even if Rick Wakeman remixed our entire oeuvre it could’ve been released as a single.

How Not to be in a Band - Mr Bickle’s Wall

From the moment we shuffled onto the stage, like a coach-load of tourists emerging blinking into the harsh Mediterranean sun, until we fled in ignominy our act was shambolic.

How Not to be in a Band - Opportunity Rings

It is a testament to the power of stardom’s siren’s song, that a man who has suffered acute stage fright in a drum circle agreed to appear before a mass of baying students.

Uncle Weird's Weird Jukebox – Part One

I can really bore you with this thing about eating in BeneLux pop from 64-68. The Eurifans sang about eating mustard, Het Pocomania sang of the benefits of eating parsley with a very straight face indeed, daddy-oh and then there's this track by Ruud Knolraap & The Sweet Vegetable (Knoolraap being a turnip).

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